The Noise Detox

Lee Babirad / Creative Coach and Storyteller

I’m in a constant state of “look-out.” I can’t help but be excited for the ways that God communicates with me. Whether it be through the living text of the Word, or through the Spirit’s nudging during worship, or a vision through prayerful meditation.

This side of eternity offers plenty of frenzy, leaving me distracted by all the noise. If there is one area that I’ve struggled with most, it’s silence. It’s rather anxiety-inducing, unnerving, and agitating. I’d rather be consumed by noise and activity around me, than to sit in restful silence.

I had to ask myself, “Lee, why do you dislike silence so much?” My first thought was something like “I mean, they do use solitary confinement as a method of punishment and torture after all.” (Welcome to my brain.) And so it began, “all right God, remove the noise pollution and over stimulation dependency and show me why this needs to happen.”

So over the last couple of months, I’ve spent the most time “practicing” restful silence without placing any expectations on myself or the Holy Spirit. I quickly recognized that noise detox can be very ugly. Solitude exposed all the things I drew significance from other than Christ. There was a feeling of abandonment I just couldn’t shake! But I kept practicing, I kept going back to the detox, I kept showing up.

The day I recognized a peace in the practice, I took a step of faith and postured my heart to listen. The most challenging part about the practice wasn’t just silencing the world around me, but silencing the thoughts within me. I had experienced a double-dose of silence from both directions and BAM … His love hit me!

He reminded me of an experience He and I had about a decade ago. I was struggling to trust that He did care and love me. I struggled to believe that He valued me or even wanted to spend time with me.

I was in a prayer session at a church I was attending at the time and my mentor led me through prayerful meditation. I didn’t know what to expect but I was willing to give the process a shot. This kind of prayer session was much like our church’s Transformative Prayer Ministry.

It would take me a chapter to explain the entire story but to summarize: While sitting in silence I had to clear my mind and surrender my heart to whatever truth Jesus wanted to say in response to my ‘abandonment’ struggle. It took a while for my heart and mind to calm down. Then it happened … I didn’t hear Him say anything, but He showed me something as if a movie was playing in my heart…

The setting was a bright white room with nothing but an old wooden table resting at the center. Jesus walked towards the table with a large brown sac over His shoulder. He swung the bag to rest on the table and as He did, rice began to pour out onto the tabletop. He pulled up the sleeves of his robe, leaned over, and began searching through the millions and millions of tiny rice grains with his fingers. He was focused and determined. I remember watching this, silently, wondering what He was doing and why. He then smiled and pinched a single grain of rice between His two fingers and brought it up to his eyes. His smile got even bigger! Still, I was confused and wondering what He was trying to say. Suddenly, I was standing right at the edge of the table beside Him. I remained silent and still. He showed me the grain of rice and it had three letters written on it, “L E E.” He brought the grain of rice to His chest and placed it in a little glass bottle that He was wearing around His neck. He smiled at me and then I opened my eyes.

I can admit that my heart and soul were both weeping. My God does care for me and love me. My God does value me and wants to spend time with me. If I believe that is still true then I shouldn’t crave distraction, noise or over stimulation. I should be intentional about experiencing silence and yearn for silence so Jesus and I can meet in our intimate space together. I should crave time with Him, and Him alone.

But that’s not the end. Shortly after this beautiful revelation, my mentor was walking through the streets of Toronto and saw a vendor selling rice necklaces. The sign attached to his vendor stand read “Seeing is Believing.” If that’s not confirmation! She bought me a rice necklace and I still have it to this day.

My prayer is that you, too, yearn for the silence that only He can meet you in. And I want to hear ALL about your experience.

You are loved. Be kind to one another, always.